The Federal Budget 09 - Doomsday


So I was sitting on my bed ready for a shock.  I knew that what was about to happen was going to be bad - I mean come on: it was Wayne Swan! – but I didn’t give it too much thought.

After all, I’d had things pretty good so far.  I got a full time job in my last year of university, and the longest I’ve ever been out of work has been a month – and that was by choice!  So, I tend to have a very ‘glass-half-full’ approach to the world.

That’s what made Tuesday night such a shock to the system.  My happy go lucky attitude was suddenly completely destroyed and I became Sad Stop Unlucky.  What happened Tuesday night you might ask?  Well, in short, Wayne Swan completely screwed the entire country.

Yep, you read that right – the entire country.  All of a sudden, in a space of less than 12 months, the Australian budget went from being in surplus by $20 billion to being in deficit by $57 billion.

Oh the humanity!

This is not small fry news people.  That is more money than you can possibly comprehend.  However, it didn’t stop there.  We’re forecast to be in the same deficit next year, and just less than that in 2011.  So, in 3 years, the budget will be in deficit by a grand total of approximately $130 billion.

Holy crap!!!!

Yes, I am terrified.  I reacted with incredible shock.  The only reaction that comes close to emulating what I did on Tuesday night is the reaction of Doc Brown in the film Back to the Future when Marty tells him that in order to get back to 1985, he needs to hit the flux capacitor with 1.21 gigawatts of electricity.

Doc Brown’s reaction?


Yep, I was completely perplexed, bamboozled, terrified, shocked, and dismayed all at the same time.  How could this have happened?  What the hell went wrong?

Now, here’s the cue for all the lefties (who I would be surprised if they even knew this website existed) email me saying that the only reason for the massive MASSIVE MASSIVE!!! deficit is because of the global financial crisis.

Err, excuse me, but that’s complete garbage.

If Swan hadn’t handed out $26 billion in cash payments that would cut the deficit in half.  If he didn’t pass on the tax cuts he’d pledged, that would’ve wiped another $6 billion off the deficit.  If he didn’t give the pensioners a weekly pay rise, that would have been another $14 billion dollars... and hey, I’m no financial guru.  This is just simple maths!

The problem is, that nobody seems to realise that there are alternatives to doing what Lord Kevin decrees.  Every chance they gets, Swan or Rudd come out with this absurd line that there are two options.  “Do as we do, or do nothing.”

Excuse me again, but that’s garbage too.  In fact, it makes me massively frustrated even typing that sentence.

To say, we can either put the budget in deficit by $57 billion or do nothing at all, is the equivalent of saying “my options for tonight are to either fly to the moon and marry Jennifer Hawkins when I get back, or to sit at home and stare at a wall doing nothing at all.”

In other words, it is the most false dichotomy in the history of false dichotomies.

It is NOT simply a case of my way or the highway Kevin.  So please, stop treating the public like morons, and show some respect.

So, what’s the answer?  I have no idea.  I’m too shell-shocked to even contemplate what needs to be done because being in national debt that we will be paying off until the Captain Kirk graduates from Starfleet Academy legitimately scares the living daylights out of me.

The only answer I can see is to get Swan and Rudd out of Government as fast as possible.  Who the hell thought it was a good idea to give them control of this great country??  Are you happy now??  Are you satisfied with how this is turning out??

If you are, then by all means feel free to email me and I will forward you a complementary pass to be committed to the best mental asylum in your nearest capital city.

And if I’m wrong?  Well, then I’ll take an extra slice of humble pie with a side serve of vanilla ice cream... although if I’m right, nobody will be able to afford to buy ice cream anyway.

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Wayne Swan
Wayne Swan handed down the biggest
budget deficit in modern Australian history

Doc Brown
Doc Brown had no idea how he was
going to find 1.21 gigawatts
We'll be paying off debt till Kirk
captains the Enterprise.